I, snarled in thick limbs,
Cried myself to sleep last night.
Can you see the salt?
The story behind this haiku is greatly personal, but I would like to share it on here as both an explanation of the words and a record for myself. I composed it as I fell asleep the day my psychologist had told me that I would have to keep gaining weight to be at a lower risk of relapse despite being a ‘healthy’ weight, albeit at the very bottom of the range. I must have known, deep down, that this would happen, but I held out hope, and even tried to argue against it. That night, hyper-aware of the extra fat my body had accumulated, I broke down. That’s what eating disorders do to you, I realise: make it seem like a couple of numbers on a scale and vital body fat are the end of the world.